Two ladies talking in Heaven


1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out,the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning..

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their

situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well,

Sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.'

'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'

'Anything, Father.'

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'

'Well,under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?' She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

'Father, could I ask something of you?'

'Yes, Sister?'

'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'

'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.

'Oh Father, may I touch it?'

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection..

'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can

give life.'

'Is that true Father?'

'Yes, it is, Sister..'

'Oh Father, that's wonderful... stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!'

He said to me . .. .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him ... . . You wear pants don't you?


He Said To Me!


He said to me ... . ....... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart


He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time



He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.


He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.


He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.


He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

-- yaripara todos mis amigos lo quiero con todos mi corazon

Being in LOVE

Think back to when you met that man/woman that you just knew would be the one.
Remember when you realized/admitted to yourself that you loved him/her.
Now remember how much you wanted to act like you were in a movie
and yell to everyone in the football stadium'I love (fill in the name)!'
You told family and friends how perfect he/she was; he/she was just what
you were looking for.
Well, I told THE LORD that I love Him today.
And He said to me, 'How much do you love me?
You haven't told anyone how good I've been to you.
You haven' t shared how perfect my love is. You haven't spread the good
news that I am always there to listen to your problems.
You haven't told your family how I helped you pay your bills when you didn't have a high paying job, or how I got you a better one.
You haven't shared with anyone how I took away that addiction that would have cost you not only your job, but also that man/woman that was just what you were looking for.
So how much do you really love me?'
So I said I would share with my friends and family (for starters)
just how wonderful, perfect,
understanding,patient, loving, unselfish, considerate
and forgiving
GOD really is.

He has blessed me with a family that loves me and friends that I can confide in.

But even more than that, He has saved me from destruction I couldn't even
see coming..

He gave to me the peace of knowing Him and He has never broken a promise.

Truly,
He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And I stand in my stadium today to tell all of you,

'I DO LOVE THE LORD JESUS CHRIST
WITH ALL OF MY HEART!'

BE BLESSED & SHARE THIS WITH SOMEONE ELSE


HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

Hello! ^_________________^ big smile for you. I Hope You Have A Great Week!

...

....HAVE A WONDERFULL NEW WEEK DEAR FRIEND,HUGS AND LOVELY KISSES TO YOU ALWAYS,THANKS.

..,

......HAVE A WONDERFULL WEEKEND MY DEAR FRIEND,HUGS AND SWEET KISSES TO YOU,THANKS.